If Only Every Day Could Be Like This

by Even the Trees

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    Layout by Christopher Forth and Photography by Christina Nguyen

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I saw your ghost on the horizon like a distant memory. Did you draw the blinds and turn off the lights To keep me away for good? Oh, it wasn’t fair to expect so much But from where I stand I can see That none of the things I could’ve done Could save us from what we’ve become And the more I look the less I can make out the sky from the leaves... Or see the forest from the trees... I wrote you a love song but now the words sound wrong.
I can’t see much in the future. My eyes are weak and I can’t see ahead! We’re just canvassing for answers. How could the signal get so lost and the image, so hazy? You’ve had it all figured out and I’m fighting with my doubts. Trying to explain what I had planned and where I plan to go. The man who’s at your door... He’s only looking for support. He’s only searching for a way. I swear I’ve done this all before. Could you show me the way because my vision keeps tunneling? I need to know where the road goes. Show me the way. Because every word you say... Makes me feel so much further than where I need to be. And a part of me wants to part from me. Vacant faces staring at vacant spaces that we can’t escape. My eyes are weak and I can’t see ahead! Just canvassing for answers! Can we find meaning when we always look without seeing? Could you show me the way? This road’s old and it’s all I’ve ever known. Could you show me the way? Could you lead me astray?
Hollowed Out 04:51
Do we understand what we believe in or is this just accepting what they say is best for us? Was there ever a choice or did we doom ourselves by failing to notice the patterns? We are in danger of wandering aimlessly in search of passion, of love, and hope when all we have are pictures, words, and vague ideas. Stories about what we are supposed to be and what we are supposed to become and all of that means nothing if we are blinded by the very dreams that should guide us. I can attest to this. I’ve done this to myself. And I stand bested by failing to move ahead. Should I stop bracing myself Against the faults I’ve yet to fashion, Or give in to doubt and accept I’ll learn to live with myself, When all I have is this hollow heart And those words from your lips? I’m always losing sleep over things I can’t control. And my mind won’t be at ease until I know what to believe in. This is my last chance... To step back from the edge before there’s nothing left. Before what I become is sinews and bone... And we find ourselves... Standing alone! I can see there’s no way back... That the past has long since passed. I’ll try until there’s nothing left of me. If when I look back... I can still see you standing there. Just stay where I can see you!
I can feel you slipping away. Are you even hanging on or is this the end of it? Honestly, how did we carry on this way? The slow burn of distrust burning us away. I’m guilty of setting myself up. I’m always ready for the fall. Now I’m picking myself up off the pavement. Cold hands left to wonder what we meant. I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed to do enough. How many times have we fallen and we keep reaching out? All the words left unsaid, they hold no meaning now. We bury ourselves until there’s nothing to be found. Just be honest with me, do you still feel the sun? Has the cold taken hold of everything and everyone? It’s dragging us down, crushing the air from my lungs. I won’t go down alone but it keeps pulling me under. It pulls me away and it leaves me out at sea. I am no stranger to love but I’ve failed this estranged heart. We once spoke of forever like we had any concept of where that would take us or how hard it could break us. I saw time steal the light from your eyes. It crept from the darkest corners of my imagination and tore apart all that I believe in until the floor splintered beneath us. We once spoke of love like we had any concept of where it could take us. Little did we know it would hollow us out and leave us staring into the void. When we came to, there was nothing left to hold on to. How many times have we fallen... and we... There was nothing left but a poison in my veins. A phantom pain I just couldn’t shake.
Outlines 04:31
Crossing state-lines. I’ve lost so much of myself and realized That I forgot where it is I wanted to be. You’re sleeping, and I can hardly hear your breathing, Or feel the warmth of your touch... There’s something in the way That we’re used to leaving behind The pieces of ourselves we feel aren’t worth keeping! We’re always on the run. What’s the point of wasting time here? Nothing that we could part with would be worth saving. The farther we get, it’s easier to see How much of ourselves remains. What’s the part of us worth keeping? I still wonder... is there anything worth keeping? I’m falling under the influence again, And the sun is rising, But I’m no further than when I started this escape... Where’s the perspective I’m wishing for? Your voice hangs in the air: “Wasn’t there... someone standing there... shouting out my name? Did you hear… could you hear my name? Was she… calling me? Must’ve been something in the way that she called my name. Something was there! Don’t you trust me? Watch us fall apart! (When you said goodbye) you must’ve found a way to crawl inside my head and you died!” But the hardest part, is knowing that... I can’t go back.
Caught in a place between distress and my delusions. I thought I could change your mind. I should’ve noticed how tightly you closed it. You thought I’d keep on fighting back When you were always on the attack? Won’t be your jealousy’s advocate. Sharp glances! Grab me the tourniquet! You were never one to strike first, But you were always sure to strike the hardest. Oh, it’s a shame… It’s a shame that you were convinced that I was to blame. Face it, your mind’s been made up. You’ve strung me along and you’re afraid to feel The silence of letting go. I believed that you were above this but I held you there. You’re just as scared. You’ve let me waste my time on you. I was convinced that things could change... And they did... into something... But, could it be saved? I stand at the edge pretending that this isn’t the end. Push just a little further… Watch how far I fall!
I’ll pretend that you won’t cross my mind, Though this is the seventh time I’m reminding myself to forget you... Feed into the ever-growing silence Separating me from you. We made a pact not to be violent, But not to speak the truth. There’s no use... Hold your breath. Count to ten. Could this be the last time I’ll be home again? Is it possible that you feel the same way? There’s no use fumbling with Something that’s just so fleeting. There’s no use. I’d say that this isn’t working. You think too much and you feel that I’ve given up. Given up on giving in. Could you just let me back in? I can’t stand to see you cry, But I can’t take another night of hating myself. Standing here, refusing to say goodbye, I’ll selfishly refuse to believe it ever happened... And I hope you’ll do the same. As soon as you left the room the light left with you. I won’t stop you... As long as this is what makes you happy.
Waste away waiting on you. It’s a shame... I’d waste my time on you, If you’d want me to, I fall for it every time... Reach out! Can’t you notice you’re not the only one who’s strung out? (The only one who’s filled with doubts?) If you’d just take me as I am, I’d pull us out of this haze. Put down your chemistry set. Just stay awake! I would do anything if I felt like you would stay, But with the door there, Would you just turn around and just walk away? I never thought I would be here. I’m lower than I’ve been before. As I watch you fade out... I’m just waiting for you to fill the holes you’ve formed. I wish I knew what you were thinking. Have you noticed or can you see anything at all? Every time you start to walk away, You tune out all those who stand by you. What happens when no one’s left? You left your garbage inside my car, bitch, And I’ll never let you live that down. Your lungs feel so shallow now. You can’t accept that this is all we’re capable of. With the lies you sold, Scored with a tongue like the edge of a sword. I’d be lying if I said this was ideal. I just keep opening the wounds instead of letting any heal. I’ve never asked the question, “is this really what I need?” But have I learned my lesson, that my time is not cheap? Waiting for something to give (wasting my time). Seeing myself… I guess that I’m okay with this deprivation. Let’s count every flaw. (Is this enough?) Keep stumbling on a list that’s so long. (Just show me some love. Is this not enough?) We could’ve been better than this. (Just show me some love!) Was it all a mistake to think this pattern could break? (Just go I’ve had enough!) I’m sorry for not being someone worth fighting for. I’ve never felt so blind. Are you too short sighted to see this through? If this is you just being honest then... Forgive me for feeling the exit wounds.
When day breaks And the clouds split for the sun, We’re so close. So far beyond a distance of ground, She hopes that he comes around. She knows that he’s not lost. Can’t turn back to how they were before she lost him. Fall any more in love and it’s over. Any more and you can’t climb out. It feels like time slows down, And we both know our history shows... That, the longer we hold, The grip gets so cold. She’s used to it but she’ll always be to proud to let it go. As she waits for the day to break he gets further away. She watches the leaves change and fall to the ground... As she’s falling to the ground. Dream above the moon. Only your nerves are stopping you. Pray he loves you too until the night is done. Cry on your own time. We’re born alone and we’ll damn sure die alone. We’ll hold on for too long. We won’t be able to let go.
Selfish or selfless? I’ve lost all of my constants, but what of my conscience? Should I care less? I’m not that hopeless. I’ve spent most of my life telling ghosts they were right. Please close the blinds, It’s like I’ve opened my eyes for the first time. I’m burying a man who’d never understand That, the plans he laid, weren’t always meant to fade. Can’t you see that waiting gets us nowhere? (We’re breathing in such stale air.) How long before we see it’s too late? How many times will I say that I’m the one who’s to blame? I should’ve noticed I was right from the start. There’s clarity behind that broken window frame If we can force it open And escape. Watching the sunlight spill over the windowsill.... Let me live again. A distant sound like a whisper, drifting from your lips. A warning so silent, with words driven like fists. “Leave the past behind.” “Leave your scars behind.” “You’re more than that tonight... No holding back.” A scent so strong that it clings to all the walls. It puts me at ease as it settles at the bottom of my lungs. We’re all cut from the same cloth and we’ll burn the same. We decide to live a life or live a lie... With the choices that we make. I see the fears that rage within me. My weary legs will carry me with all they have that’s left.
[Repeat] 02:06
Do something. I’m losing my mind watching you waste your time. From where I stand I see nothing but guilt is holding you back. Lay down your head. At some point somethings got to give. I feel the room spin. Let the poison flow from my veins. I’m embracing the past. Shake off the dust, time to live at last. Let go and soon you’ll find that everything will be just fine. I can’t help you to see this from my side... But I know that with time we can see things eye to eye. I know that you’re holding back! Won’t spend another night feeling suffocated, I’m leaving this place behind me. (I can’t help this, my heart’s selfish.) Won’t pretend that I can keep living this way, Staring over my back wishing something would change. I hope that time plays its part. I know that we can make it. I am the voice that begs to be heard, Shrill and fracturing the silence with every word! Though you won’t understand a thing I say, Deep down inside you’ll see this is more than give and take. I’m doing this for you... I’m doing this for you... I’m doing this for you. If only you could see what this is doing to me, Would you see why I bleed or keep bringing me to my knees? As the daylight dims, I wish that you could witness me pull myself from the brink With these fragile wrists And the strength to keep moving ahead. Am I strong enough to tear all the covers off? Can I keep my eyes open for long enough? Where’s the solace in your promise that everything will be alright? A flash, a splash of red to fill the spaces in It’s cold here in the shade. I never meant to lay here... To extinguish my flame. I’ll never lose my way again because I can change.


Even the Trees' debut record “If Only Every Day Could Be
Like This,” the culmination of three long years of
joy, sadness, anxiety, and frustration. The
ambitious 12-track offering will give listeners an
experience that is emotionally taxing to say the
least. Across the album’s 65 minute runtime,
songs will weave through passages that are
hauntingly beautiful, dark, brooding, heavy, and
chaotic. For the band, it has been an absolute
ride and they are finally ready (and proud) to
bring you along.


released December 7, 2018

Even the Trees is:

Nick Ilic - Guitar/Programming
Michael Sartor - Vocals
Christopher Forth - Bass
Michael J. Allain - Drums

Music by Nick Ilic
Lyrics by Michael Sartor
*Lyrics on “Second Chances”
by Chad Miranda & Michael Sartor
Additional Piano on “Here Comes a Walking Fire” by Kyle Bishop

Guitar/Bass Engineered/Recorded by Nick Ilic & Christopher Forth
Vocals/Drums Engineered/Recorded/Edited by Todd Barriage

Mixed/Edited by Nick Ilic

Mastered by Daniel Braunstein at The Hallway Studios in Los Angeles, CA.


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Even the Trees Toronto, Ontario

Post-Hardcore band from Toronto, Ontario Canada

Debut Album "If Only Every Day Could Be Like This" Available Now!

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